newbuzz...Some people just breeze through life without a worry about what will happen next (ie 'nexting'). They take life as it comes without looking for hidden meanings or trying to plan ahead. That is not me. I want to know what is next, so I put a great deal of energy into decision making. Sometimes, I will postpone making a decision, or even avoid change altogether when I am uncertain of the outcome. I suppose that is a good strategy for some things, especially where the risk of loss is great. But I have come to recognize a certain kind of nexting that is based entirely in fear, and that is a strategy I want to live without.
I have always thought of myself as a positive, "glass half-full" person. Why then, do I think the unknown could be so wrought with peril that I am unable to make a change or come to a difficult decision? Upon reflection, I realize that being positive is more than having a smile on my face and seeing the best in others. Positive thinking springs from self confidence. Negative thinking feeds on feelings of powerlessness. That is why I am more comfortable with familiar situations. Even the familiar situations that are not very good are less stressful than contemplating something new and unknown.
But uncertainty does not necessarily mean powerless, and even powerless is not necessarily bad. The common theme in my nexting is that the unknown will always lead to something less than, or worse than what I have today. I want to change this kind of thinking because it makes me miss opportunities that could be wonderful. If I must be a nexter, as I fear I must, then I want to take my nexting to the next level!
When I am tempted to worry about what is next, I will stop, think, and re-frame. First I must stop the negative thinking. No negative self talk, not any, at all, ever. Second, I will think about all the great outcomes I have experienced after making uncertain changes. (This includes the decisions I have made and the times I have been pushed into change). Finally, I will re-frame my thoughts so that I can embrace the unknown with enthusiasm and excitement.
Since I cannot banish all the words that connote mishap and mayhem from my active thinking, I will set to work on changing the connotations. For every negative, undermining meaning behind the word, I will pause and create a better, more positive, confidence boosting, self affirming feeling.
Perhaps all this next level nexting sets me further apart from the life breezers who never have to plan ahead. But I am working with what I have, and who said their way was better anyway?
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Monday, October 1, 2012
Reflections at 50
newbuzz...
newbuzz...I recently turned fifty and I am starting to realize what that
means. If my life will be about seventy five years, then I am in the
last third of my life. As a late bloomer, I have got a lot of living to
pack into the next twenty five years or so.
I know I am not the first person to experience these life stages, but I would bet that I am in the trailblazer category when it comes to late Baby Boomers starting over. I have also experienced some notable and historical financial crises in US history which have shaped my life and directed my path.
Though both of my parents had college education, I was not prepared to enter college after High School. I thought I would just get a job and work. Instead, I got married at eighteen.
We lived in rural Minnesota and managed a 65 cow dairy herd with 360 acres of farmland. It was a lot for two kids under twenty five to handle, but we did well. We were enthusiastic and energetic. We had high hopes of building the business into a farm where we could raise our own kids.
But then the farm crisis of the early 1980's robbed us of all the profits from our operation. Milk prices dropped and we had borrowed money at high interest rates. The bank told us they could not give us an operating loan. Without it, we could not plant crops that year.
In the spring of 1985, with a six month old daughter in tow, we had to shut down, sell out, pack up and leave. On the last day, I remember sitting on the back step, looking at the empty pasture and the field that was still fallow. I cried as I realized I would never again have this lifestyle. My children would never know that this life existed. I felt the weight of my husband crumble as our first dream was lost.
We pulled it together and got on with life. He got two years of college and a labor job at an aluminum recycling plant. I raised our two daughters at home until they were both in school. Then I joined the ranks in the customer service department of a local wholesaler.
All the years we were raising the kids, we wished for a home in the country. It just was not possible for us catch up from losing everything, save enough money to move to a hobby farm and have enough for the kids. So we chose to enjoy the kids. And we did. They kept us busy with various clubs, music lessons, sports and school activities.
We encouraged the girls to go to college as we knew it was their ticket to a comfortable life. We sacrificed for them because we knew our day of plenty would come when they left the nest. Every wish we had for them revolved around the security that a college degree would provide.
Then, at age 40 I decided to try my own hand at college. While working full time and raising two kids, I went to weekend college and earned my Bachelor's degree over six intense years of work and study. I was counting on that degree to push me to the next level at work.
About that time, the bottom fell out of the economy. On the heels of 9/11, America launched into the great recession of the 2000's. My husband lost his job of twenty three years and went on unemployment for a year. At the same time, I lost my job of thirteen years. We had two girls still in college who were still in need of our support. Life was not going to be comfortable or easy for any of us, and we lost our second dream.
Again we pushed through. We kept our house when others were defaulting in alarming numbers. Both our girls finished college and they are both gainfully employed. I have started a new career that I enjoy and my husband is back at work with the same long-time employer who had laid him off for over a year.
Things are looking up and we are thankful for all that we have. However, with three recent college degrees in our family, there is a mountain of student loan debt that we are working on paying back. It is tough sometimes to know how close I will be to collecting social security when the loans are finally paid back.
This is the life I have built. I can give up or keep going. I can be happy or sad. I choose to keep going and be happy. But I have a lot of living to do in the next twenty five years. While others are settling into their Golden Years, I will be hustling to pay for my education. I will be striving to advance in my career where many of my colleagues are twenty years younger than me.
I know fifty is just a number, but it it still a measure of time. When the number of years behind is larger than the number yet to come, it sparks a new appreciation for life as well as a new way to assess happiness. I have found that while I have landed short in many of my dreams, I have peace and satisfaction knowing that I have never stopped striving and never stopped believing in myself.
Cheers to the next third of my life!
Monday, October 1, 2012
I know I am not the first person to experience these life stages, but I would bet that I am in the trailblazer category when it comes to late Baby Boomers starting over. I have also experienced some notable and historical financial crises in US history which have shaped my life and directed my path.
Though both of my parents had college education, I was not prepared to enter college after High School. I thought I would just get a job and work. Instead, I got married at eighteen.
We lived in rural Minnesota and managed a 65 cow dairy herd with 360 acres of farmland. It was a lot for two kids under twenty five to handle, but we did well. We were enthusiastic and energetic. We had high hopes of building the business into a farm where we could raise our own kids.
But then the farm crisis of the early 1980's robbed us of all the profits from our operation. Milk prices dropped and we had borrowed money at high interest rates. The bank told us they could not give us an operating loan. Without it, we could not plant crops that year.
In the spring of 1985, with a six month old daughter in tow, we had to shut down, sell out, pack up and leave. On the last day, I remember sitting on the back step, looking at the empty pasture and the field that was still fallow. I cried as I realized I would never again have this lifestyle. My children would never know that this life existed. I felt the weight of my husband crumble as our first dream was lost.
We pulled it together and got on with life. He got two years of college and a labor job at an aluminum recycling plant. I raised our two daughters at home until they were both in school. Then I joined the ranks in the customer service department of a local wholesaler.
All the years we were raising the kids, we wished for a home in the country. It just was not possible for us catch up from losing everything, save enough money to move to a hobby farm and have enough for the kids. So we chose to enjoy the kids. And we did. They kept us busy with various clubs, music lessons, sports and school activities.
We encouraged the girls to go to college as we knew it was their ticket to a comfortable life. We sacrificed for them because we knew our day of plenty would come when they left the nest. Every wish we had for them revolved around the security that a college degree would provide.
Then, at age 40 I decided to try my own hand at college. While working full time and raising two kids, I went to weekend college and earned my Bachelor's degree over six intense years of work and study. I was counting on that degree to push me to the next level at work.
About that time, the bottom fell out of the economy. On the heels of 9/11, America launched into the great recession of the 2000's. My husband lost his job of twenty three years and went on unemployment for a year. At the same time, I lost my job of thirteen years. We had two girls still in college who were still in need of our support. Life was not going to be comfortable or easy for any of us, and we lost our second dream.
Again we pushed through. We kept our house when others were defaulting in alarming numbers. Both our girls finished college and they are both gainfully employed. I have started a new career that I enjoy and my husband is back at work with the same long-time employer who had laid him off for over a year.
Things are looking up and we are thankful for all that we have. However, with three recent college degrees in our family, there is a mountain of student loan debt that we are working on paying back. It is tough sometimes to know how close I will be to collecting social security when the loans are finally paid back.
This is the life I have built. I can give up or keep going. I can be happy or sad. I choose to keep going and be happy. But I have a lot of living to do in the next twenty five years. While others are settling into their Golden Years, I will be hustling to pay for my education. I will be striving to advance in my career where many of my colleagues are twenty years younger than me.
I know fifty is just a number, but it it still a measure of time. When the number of years behind is larger than the number yet to come, it sparks a new appreciation for life as well as a new way to assess happiness. I have found that while I have landed short in many of my dreams, I have peace and satisfaction knowing that I have never stopped striving and never stopped believing in myself.
Cheers to the next third of my life!
Thursday, September 27, 2012
newbuzz...I get frustrated with people who say they just want to have their own opinion without being judged. They say this after they have offended you with their viewpoint which is usually aggressive and mean. Then, when you offer a rebuttal, they cry foul. They do not want to hear your opinion or why you feel differently. They do not want to explain their stance. They just want you to hear them and remain silent.
It seems like what these folks really want is to draw attention to themselves. They are unwilling to articulate any opinions or feelings of their own, so they find a way to oppose your passions. At the first sign of a discussion, they become self proclaimed victims of your moral judgment. They want you to feel bad so they can feel superior to you. This is passive aggressive manipulation and I do not like it.
It seems like what these folks really want is to draw attention to themselves. They are unwilling to articulate any opinions or feelings of their own, so they find a way to oppose your passions. At the first sign of a discussion, they become self proclaimed victims of your moral judgment. They want you to feel bad so they can feel superior to you. This is passive aggressive manipulation and I do not like it.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
newbuzz... Nothing brings out the Blog in me like an old fashioned smack down over the law. I recently posted this as my Facebook status: Dear Angry Redneck in the F150: The left lane
is for passing at the legal speed limit - no faster. If I am in the left
lane going the LEGALLY POSTED SPEED LIMIT, I do not have to move so you
can break the law by going faster. And when you give me the finger, you
are shaming your mother who tried to raise you right.
This post unleashed a fury of anger from otherwise peaceful friends. I was surprised at how many people consider speeding in the left lane to be their right, and that by following the speed limit, I am an "idiot" and just trying to "piss people off". That idea is far from the truth. I actually follow the law because I want to be safe on the road and conserve fuel. I set the cruise control to the speed limit and head for home. I often drive in the left lane because folks in the right lane are moving slower and I do not want to speed up and slow down which uses more fuel. Since they are obeying the law, I do not get angry with them, or try to compel them to move out of the way; I just move to the left lane and drive the speed limit.
So why do people feel I should move out of the way for them to pass when they want to go faster than the speed limit? I cannot imagine. To me it would be like standing in line to pay for a purchase and having someone in back of me demanding that I move so he can shoplift more easily. Something in these speeders is telling them that their desire to go faster makes them more important than me and more important than the law. In their self centered worlds, the only reason they can think of for someone who drives the speed limit is to "piss them off". To them I say, "It is not all about you, get over yourself!"
This post unleashed a fury of anger from otherwise peaceful friends. I was surprised at how many people consider speeding in the left lane to be their right, and that by following the speed limit, I am an "idiot" and just trying to "piss people off". That idea is far from the truth. I actually follow the law because I want to be safe on the road and conserve fuel. I set the cruise control to the speed limit and head for home. I often drive in the left lane because folks in the right lane are moving slower and I do not want to speed up and slow down which uses more fuel. Since they are obeying the law, I do not get angry with them, or try to compel them to move out of the way; I just move to the left lane and drive the speed limit.
So why do people feel I should move out of the way for them to pass when they want to go faster than the speed limit? I cannot imagine. To me it would be like standing in line to pay for a purchase and having someone in back of me demanding that I move so he can shoplift more easily. Something in these speeders is telling them that their desire to go faster makes them more important than me and more important than the law. In their self centered worlds, the only reason they can think of for someone who drives the speed limit is to "piss them off". To them I say, "It is not all about you, get over yourself!"
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