newbuzz...The only safety net that cannot be snatched away is faith. In these times of uncertainty, there are very few constants. I have lost my job at the exact same time that my husband has been laid off from his job. We will have unemployment benefits for a time, but they do not provide nearly enough to pay all of the bills. As my substantial student loan balances become due and payable, I am questioning the wisdom of the degree I worked so hard to earn. But then, I must remember the wide-eyed faith and childlike excitement I experienced as I signed up for classes in anticipation of the education I would receive and the benefits it would bestow on my life.
Six years ago, I embarked on my quest for a Bachelor's degree, late in life when most people were beginning to prepare for retirement. I longed for higher knowledge and what I perceived as the prestige that comes with a college education. I willingly signed up for classes at an expensive private college and jumped in with both feet. I was worried about paying for it, but I quelled my fear with faith; faith that God would provide me with the resources to to pay for school, the intelligence and energy to succeed in my classes, and faith that it would pay off in the end. Now I have graduated in the worst economy in the last fifty years. I have no job, an inflated mortgage, and a student loan payment that I cannot afford.
While I regretfully admit that I have lost faith in my government to keep me safe, I have begun to dig deeper into the real essence of my faith. Though my emotional state runs parallel to a speeding roller coaster, up with worry, down with fatigue, I am finding small breaks in the extremes. During these quiet times, when I am too tired to worry and not yet able to rest, I recognize my vulnerability in a way that calms my spirit. I realize in these times, that I must live in the moment and I cannot control the world around me. If I had a steady job that paid enough to cover the bills, I would still not have the safety I long for, only an illusion of safety. The wolf would still be at my door, poised to deliver an illness, an injury, a death, or any loss within a moment's notice, and I would be powerless to defend myself.
Faith is not about the things I have or the things I need to get. Faith is about being quiet and living each moment as God gives it to me. Faith is knowing that I have a place in the universe and that my place is here and now. There will come a time when my place is somewhere else, and when that time comes, none of the turmoil of today will matter.
My moments of peace come sparingly, and they are fleeting, but I have faith in the God of the Bible who loves me, and I know that He will guard my faith, and this faith will keep me safe.